Thursday, March 21, 2013

Sorry for lack of posts!

Sorry for lack of posts on the Blog here lately, I'm not sure how many folks actually follow my blog but I know some do and I'm happy for that :)
The reason for lack of post is actually a few reasons combined, Firstly I've been dealing with some personal issues with depression this year and have been really trying hard to keep it from getting the best of me.
January wasn't too terribly bad but February was horrible with Lance and my Mom both in the hospital Lance with a hip replacement and Mom with a brain tumor. 
I spent the majority of February at home alone stranded with no ride and that didn't do very well for my mental state of mind either because I felt alone and scared and trying to cope with bad news, It just really sucked bad.
Lances surgery went well and he spent some time at his moms recovering he is home now and doing well other than one mishap where his hip popped out of socket he had to back and get it fixed but he is just about back to normal and those worries can be laid to rest I just have to take really good care of him and he has to be really careful right now.
I think the thing that has me down the most is what my Mom is dealing with and having to go through It is eating me alive to see my Mom sick, She went into the hospital in February for removal of a brain tumor which the doctor at first thought to be benign and could be removed with no worries or threats But we got Bad news instead, The tumor was actually two tumors intertwined and could not be completely removed safely without brain damage and they are both cancerous so She has to go through Radiation treatments and Chemo and I'm very worried and scared for her. She is not quite the same now after surgery and I can't help but wonder if she will ever be the same again. It is hurting me really bad and I'm still not sure how to personally deal with my emotions about it I just really very scared and my mind is always thinking about her.
I was already in depression when we found out about this and I've dealt with depressions all my life but at this point I'm in a really strange state of depression that I've never dealt with before and that also scares me, I don't want to loose my mom nobody does but I don't want to loose my mind either and I feel like I'm going to loose both soon, i'm just so scared, I try to have faith that everything is going to be OK but it is very hard.
To tell the truth I've had plenty of time to write a blog post and I've even drank plenty of teas to write about and i haven't lost interest in my blog or anything like that Just my mind is preoccupied with other things at the time and its kinda hard to stay focused on things like writing a blog post and such and I've been trying to spend less time online and more time with Lance and Mom and Family.
And to top things off March is no better because Monday we had a Huge Hailstorm here and brought us lots of damage to our home and property which is just adds more emotional crap for me because our house right now is so messed up inside and outside, I never thought that hail could be so devastating but thats just because I never saw hail like this before, we had baseball to softball sized hail destroying everthing here, our car is messed up so bad that we are stuck with no ride our house and all the houses in the neighborhood look like they have been through a war or something, it really looks like everybody got shot to hell and back with machine guns or something. We have insurance to pay for it all but that don't change the fact that it happened and really don't offer much comfort when your home is destroyed and everywhere you look is a mess, it's really heartbreaking.
I know that it's not the end of the world yet and things will eventually get better but right now it just don't feel that way, and I know that what we are dealing with is nothing compared to some disasters that others have faced and it could be a lot worse but it still hurts and it is still very depressing to me and is lot for me to deal with.
Sorry for the sob story but sometimes it helps to talk or write about things and I wanted yous guys to know what was going on currently in my life.
I have had a few good days and I learned how to make green tea turn pink lol Also Ive drank plenty of teas that I will write posts about soon but I couldn't even get any good photos right now for the posts if i wanted to because of the mess here,Here are at least a few tea pics and some damage pics I took.